its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
