the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
