She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
