It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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