we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
