so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
