Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
