my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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