I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
