He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
