Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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