It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
