Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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