Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
