I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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