At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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