She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
