you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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