grandma shit on top of the toilet
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
