good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
