don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
