Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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