I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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