i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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