You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
