1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
