Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
