there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need help removing her.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
