I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
