I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
