I think my vagina is haunted
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
