everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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