i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
