The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
