I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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