I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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