And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
