I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
