My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
