In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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