This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
