M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
