I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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