Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
birth control should be required to get into college
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I want is dick and wine.
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