dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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