She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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