That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
