I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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