covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
