In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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