Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
