Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
