I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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